In between a rock & a hard place

Okay here is what happened...I called my older sister and told her I would like to come to see her. She lives 12 hours away. She was excited about us coming. So far, so good. Then my mother came to visit and I told her about us going to my sister's house. She said, in a whining voice, "I want to go too." I said, "you want to go?" After that, I'm not sure what happened but somehow, someway, my mother got the idea that I had invited her to come with us. This is not good. This is a woman who drives us crazy. She picks fights. She says just about anything she wants to us because she "has the right" because we are her daughters. After years of her visits ending horribly I finally put a limit on her. I told her she can not stay for longer than 3 days. She usually does good for that long but after that she starts the picking. We end up getting into a big fight and I hate it. I wish we had a better relationship but I know after 40-something years of having her as my mother...it is the way she is and that is that. Growing up she picked fights with my sister, my Dad and I. Over the years I have just had to accept that she is just like that. I can not change her, I can only change the way I react to her. So how the hell am I supposed to get out of her horning in on my visit to my sister's house????

My mother also does not get along at all with my brother-in-law. She has offended him too many times and he just refuses to put up with her anymore. He has told my sister that if my mom does come for a visit and if she says or does anything to offend him, piss him off or anything else then she will no longer be welcome to come back for a visit...ever. I have no doubt that he would enforce this.

My sister called me this week and said we have to get a handle on the situation. She said she is willing to call our mom together and tell her. I have talked with mom a couple of times since then and just could not get the words out of my mouth. Unlike my mom, I don't like to hurt people. I know this is going to hurt her and make her mad. How do you tell someone that they are not welcome to come with you on your vacation???

Beside the fact that her personality is abrasive she is also somewhat crippled. She should not be sitting in a car for the amount of time it takes to get to my sister's. I'm sure her doctor would say she shouldn't do that. He has told her that when she travels she needs to stop and walk around at least every hour. We can not do that, it would double the amount of time it takes to get there.

Also, my husband and I want to stop half way there with the kids at a big water park. My mom can not enjoy a water park. She can't walk very much. She can't climb, etc.

So, how am I going to tell her? I keep going over and over it in my mind. I just don't know.