Feeling Better & Getting Things Done

I am feeling much better now. I was having serious PMS last week. I may have to go back on some sort of happy pill. This time my doc and I agree to try Wellbutrin. But I don't know if I want to go back on anything again. I am hoping I'll lose some weight now that I am off of it.

So, today I am working in my daughter's room. She has alot of clothes and things that she has outgrown. So, out with the old to get ready for the new. Her birthday is coming up and she will be getting lots of new stuff then.

My mother-in-law is picking up the kids today so I get some extra time. I normally would need to leave here to pick them up at 1:45 p.m. She said she'll bring them home around 5:00 so that means I'll get an extra 3 hours to get stuff done. Yeah.

I have today plus 3 more days until I start back to school. The instructors uploaded our calendar today for my first class. So, I loaded all that information into my PDA.

Better get back to work. I want to have her room done by the time she gets home. She will be so happy!!

School Night

I feel good about tonight so far. I got my son bathed and to bed by 8:30. My daughter got to bed by 9:30. I hope she gets to sleep soon and doesn't get up. I keep thinking she will pop up any minute. I have my alarm set for getting them up and ready in the morning. We went to the school today for meet the teachers. That went really well. They both seem to be excited about going back to school. My son is going into 1st grade and my daughter is going into 5th.

I start back to school next Monday. I pray we have a good school year and we are all three successful in our academic endeavors.

I'm going to bed now too.

PCOS, etc

I think I mentioned that I have PCOS and my dr. put me on birth control pills to help regulate my period. Well, I am finally having a period. I was so crabby feeling last week. I am feeling better now, more like myself. I have been off the anxiety meds for months now. I am wondering if I should go back on something. My doc says if I decide to go back on them she wants me to try Wellbutrin. My sister takes it and she does fine on it. Supposedly it doesn't make you gain weight. Speaking of weight, I need to lose some...well, alot actually. I am tired of being this big. I weigh 204 lbs. I should weigh around 140. So, I need to lose 64 lbs. Wow, that is alot. I just eat all the time. I eat when I'm bored, tired, sad, etc. I don't exercise. How do I get myself motivated to get into a regular exercise routine and stop eating for all the wrong reasons???

This, that and the other

Summer is winding down and I am secretly very pleased about that. I am ready to get back into a routine. As in the last post, I am still about to pull my hair out over being with the kids nonstop-all-the-time. They start back to school this coming Tuesday. I start back to school the following Monday. I have been studying the neuro stuff for my upcoming class.

So, I went to all my doctors this summer and have been checked out from head to toe. Everything checked out pretty good. My cholesterol is a little high so I am on Crestor now. Also, I have PCOS so my doc put me on Yaz which is a birth control pill. I am glad to be on it. I haven't had regular periods for about 14 years and we haven't used any type of birth control. So, in the back of my mind I was constantly wondering if I could be pregnant. I know, that is so stupid. But I had to have fertility help with both pregnancies so I figure the odds are on my side that I won't get pregnant. But, now that I am on the pill I don't have to worry about it anymore! Yeah. Also, maybe it will help level out my hormones and get my mood swings under control.

My daughter's 10th birthday is coming up soon. She wants to have a slumber party. Oh boy. We have had one girl at a time spend the night but not 10 at once. I have a feeling we won't get much sleep that night! I am trying to figure out what they can do to keep them entertained. I have been reading alot on the site birthdaypartyideas.com. But so far haven't found a whole lot they would like. I'm still looking though. I know they will have fun no matter what.

Here is a dilemma I am having: My daughter has a girl she is friends with who is a sweet girl. But she lives in a horrible, horrible situation. Their house is filthy and overall run down. I am not exaggerating. I have been in the house because dd went to her birthday party over the summer. It was really bad. I didn't feel comfortable leaving dd there for the party but I also didn't know how to get her out of there either. They were drinking beer at 11 a.m. and we don't drink much at all. We definitely don't drink at our kid's b-day parties. But, I let her stay and she had a great time. I worried the whole time and picked her up early. This little girl is a sweetheart. She adores my dd and has called her over the summer. She had been out of state most of the summer but when she got back she called. I asked her if she'd like to come over and swim with dd. It made her so happy and her mom brought her over. They had a great time. Her dad picked her up about four hours later. He makes me so uncomfortable. He reeks of cigarettes and is covered in tattoes. Honestly, I normally don't judge people on their appearance, but his whole package (his looks and his home, etc) are just too much for me. I just know that this girl is going to be asking dd to come over and I am going to say no. She can come here any time but I can not allow dd to go there. This school year, the girl and dd are not in the same class so maybe the girl will become attached to some other child. I just know that in my situation as a child I picked the wrong friends and that affected me in many bad ways. I don't want that for my dd. So, I am trying to guide her towards girls that are the types that will be getting good grades, going to college, not doing drugs, not having sex, etc. DD has joined the girl scouts and that group of girls is the type I want her to hang out with. She likes them and they have fun together. I'm not going to tell her she can't be friends with the other girl, but I can't let her go to her house again. I definitely wouldn't let her spend the night over there.

Summertime

We have been staying pretty busy this summer. We went to visit my sister and then to my Dads. We had my hubby's birthday, my son's birthday and my birthday.

Things right now are pretty quiet. So I have time to blog, I think. We'll see. I am home with the kids, like I am everyday this summer. Yes, it is driving me crazy that I couldn't get a job and work this summer. I am going stir crazy. Being home with two children (6 & 10 yrs old) can really grate on a person's nerves. The bickering is always popping up. The yelling: "MOM!!!! He did this or she did that..." It is like nails on a chalkboard to me. I mean, don't get me wrong...I love my kids. They are actually pretty terrific. But, being with them 24/7...all the time... everyday... every night is what is getting to me. I am ready for (their) school to start! I do not get any time to be alone or with a friend. Anytime my hubby and I try to have a conversation they are right in the middle of it. I feel like anyone who reads this will think I am the worst Mom around. But I'm not. It just gets to me. The whole being tied down all the time. I am 40-something. My friends who are my age have kids who are in high school or older. Their kids are old enough to not have to be babysat all the time. Enough about that.

My school starts back in about 4 weeks. I am in a 2-year nursing program. I have a year left, if I don't fail anything. I start back with a big med-surg course. It covers a whole lot of information in 7 weeks. That is not alot of time. I have already started studying, but should study everyday. So far I've only studied musculoskeletal. I still have neurovascular, GI/GU and lots more. I just want to get done so I can start working again. I haven't held down a real, full time job in about 15 years. My husband works but he doesn't make a whole lot. So, we have money stress. It will be so good to get back to work and have my own money. I know money doesn't make you happy but it sure does help.

Wow, I am really complaining in this post. Sorry about that. I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself and having a pity party. It feels good to get it out.

School Day Mornings Suck

One of the worst jobs about being a Mom is having to get the kids up every morning. I hate it. It sucks. I hate waking anyone up because I hate to be woken up. But it's my job to go in there and wake up two peacefully sleeping children. It takes anywhere from 15 minutes to 30 minutes. I try and try to wake them up nicely. But most mornings they won't get on up and so I end up yelling and threatening to take previleges away. So, then there is an order for the morning to go smoothly: Daughter gets up, goes to bathroom downstairs, gets dressed, brushes hair, comes upstairs for breakfast. Son gets up, comes upstairs, uses bathroom, gets dressed, combs hair, comes to table for breakfast. No matter how many times I tell them the order, most mornings they do something out of order and then it takes longer. This morning daughter came wondering upstairs and sat on the couch before doing any of the other things she should do prior to coming upstairs. Then when I tell her to go back downstairs she gets all upset. This sets the mood for the morning. Yeah. Son came up and did everything correctly this morning. But now he is all ready to walk out the door and we are waiting on sister. We need to leave right now. But she is downstairs, slowly brushing her teeth. Lord help me, I'm going down there.

In between a rock & a hard place

Okay here is what happened...I called my older sister and told her I would like to come to see her. She lives 12 hours away. She was excited about us coming. So far, so good. Then my mother came to visit and I told her about us going to my sister's house. She said, in a whining voice, "I want to go too." I said, "you want to go?" After that, I'm not sure what happened but somehow, someway, my mother got the idea that I had invited her to come with us. This is not good. This is a woman who drives us crazy. She picks fights. She says just about anything she wants to us because she "has the right" because we are her daughters. After years of her visits ending horribly I finally put a limit on her. I told her she can not stay for longer than 3 days. She usually does good for that long but after that she starts the picking. We end up getting into a big fight and I hate it. I wish we had a better relationship but I know after 40-something years of having her as my mother...it is the way she is and that is that. Growing up she picked fights with my sister, my Dad and I. Over the years I have just had to accept that she is just like that. I can not change her, I can only change the way I react to her. So how the hell am I supposed to get out of her horning in on my visit to my sister's house????

My mother also does not get along at all with my brother-in-law. She has offended him too many times and he just refuses to put up with her anymore. He has told my sister that if my mom does come for a visit and if she says or does anything to offend him, piss him off or anything else then she will no longer be welcome to come back for a visit...ever. I have no doubt that he would enforce this.

My sister called me this week and said we have to get a handle on the situation. She said she is willing to call our mom together and tell her. I have talked with mom a couple of times since then and just could not get the words out of my mouth. Unlike my mom, I don't like to hurt people. I know this is going to hurt her and make her mad. How do you tell someone that they are not welcome to come with you on your vacation???

Beside the fact that her personality is abrasive she is also somewhat crippled. She should not be sitting in a car for the amount of time it takes to get to my sister's. I'm sure her doctor would say she shouldn't do that. He has told her that when she travels she needs to stop and walk around at least every hour. We can not do that, it would double the amount of time it takes to get there.

Also, my husband and I want to stop half way there with the kids at a big water park. My mom can not enjoy a water park. She can't walk very much. She can't climb, etc.

So, how am I going to tell her? I keep going over and over it in my mind. I just don't know.

Monday Night T-ball

My son had a t-ball game tonight. I enjoyed watching him play. They are all so cute out there. Sometimes they forget to run or run in the wrong direction!!

I have to get my hubby's 40th b-day party planned. It is in 3 weeks and I haven't bought one thing for it. I am still somewhat clueless about what to do. I mean do I just do the "40" theme or go with something else? Do I make the cake or get it made. He said he wants to have it here. I would much rather have it somewhere else so I don't have so much work and clean up. Funny how for my 40th he had it at one of my favorite local restaurants but for his he won't let me get away with that. Maybe I should just do it anyway. Nah. I'll do it the he wants it done. Remember the golden rule: do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.

Busy Weekend

This has been a busy weekend. Friday my son's Kindergarten class invited the Moms for lunch. It was sweet how he kept reminding me all week to make sure I come on Friday for lunch. He was so happy to have me there with him. He showed me all sorts of stuff in his classroom and they sang a song for each month of the year....too cute. Then Friday night my daughter and I went on an overnight camping trip with her girl scout troop. We had neither one camped before. I mean, sure, I went on camping trips... 20-something years ago with the youth group from church. Needless to say, we were up all night scared to death. My daughter was afraid a fox would come into her tent and eat her. I just knew if I fell asleep I would wake up and find a rabid raccoon on my chest. I think I got a total of 2 hours sleep. then we trudged around the camp all day with the girls performing skills like tying knots, building fires, etc. We were so tired last night when we got home. I showered and then she and I went out to eat. I ended up going to bed at 9:30 p.m. That is way early for me. Then today was Mother's day with breakfast in bed, homemade cards and lots of sugar. I am a very fortunate Mom.

What to do, what to do???

I am feeling like I have so much to do I don't know where to begin. There is a pile of paperwork I need to get done for my daughter to go to camp; paper work for me to turn in at my school for financial aid; my house needs cleaning; laundry needs to be done; my car needs to be washed and vacuumed; and lots and lots more. I did get my kitchen really cleaned this morning. Everywhere I look there are things I need to do. I guess I need to just pick something and do it.

I also need to figure out a study plan for getting my butt in gear for my classes coming up in the fall. I will be taking the second med-surg class in August and then the high-risk peds/OB class the second half of the fall semester. In January I'll take Psych and then the last class which is nursing management. All these classes are hard. I have the books and reading lists and study guides and notes for all the up coming classes. Now I just need to figure out a game plan to get all that info into my head.

Sorry for such a complaining/whining post. Just had to get it off my chest.

Feeling Great

I am feeling so much better now that I have kicked Celexa to the curb. I had someone tell me last week that I was laughing like I used to to. I AM laughing more. I also feel my emotions again and cry at sad movies or situations. I cried and cried at the end of a movie last night. It felt great. I am thinking about sex again. For the 3 years I have been on Celexa I haven't had any sexual thoughts or feelings. I had been going through the motions with my husband. He always had to initiate sex. Now, I am thinking about it and wanting to more and more. This is the best part of getting off Celexa.

My Mojo

I think I may be getting my mojo back. After talking with my doctor, I have weaned myself off Celexa. For a week I took 2/3 of my dose. Then a week I took 1/2 dose. Then for a week I took 1/2 every other day. Then I stopped taking them altogether a week ago. I feel like I have slowly been waking from a sleep or coma. I have been more emotional...in a good way...like tearing up at a sad movie. I have been getting so much more done. While on Celexa I just didn't really care much about anything. I sat around alot, eating, playing computor games. Now I am caring. I am feeling. I'm getting things done. It is great.

Painting

I painted my son's room today. First I painted the ceiling white then the walls a pretty brownish color named "Sand." I am so happy with the way it turned out. I spent all day working in there. It looks really good. I have ordered his quilted comfortor and pillow sham. They are called "Alpha, Bravo, Charlie" and they have an army look to them with tanks, army helmet and helicoptor. He loves tanks so he's going to love it. Today after school he was happy with the new color on his walls. He just doesn't like it that he can't get in there to play. I am tired, but in a good way. I love it when I accomplish something big like this.

Update

Okay it has been quite a while since I posted. Alot has happened. I started back to school last August 2008. I took pediatric, mother-baby class and did well. Then I took the big, tough, lots-of-people-fail med surg class. I failed by less than a point. I cried and cried. And then I cried some more. This not only meant that I had failed a class but that I would no longer be with my classmates. My friends. I think that was the worst part of failing. I was really upset and down. But I went ahead and signed up to take it again in January 2009. Christmas was great. My sister, Mom and Dad all came to spend time here with me and my family. The break was over and then I took the med-surg class for the 2nd time. I passed with a high B. Yeah me. I met some new friends and had a great clinical group. I still miss my friends from my first class but I still keep in touch with them. Now I have to wait. For five months. Yes, five months for the class I need to take next. They won't let us take classes out of sequence. They only offer the next half of the med-surg class at the beginning of each semester. So, I missed it this time around because I had to retake the other class. So, I now have months before they offer it again. I am LOVING this time off. But I am SCARED I will forget all about what I had learned. I LOVE being at home and spending time with my kids. I am getting alot done around the house. I have been cleaning and organizing and painting. We had a great Spring break and Easter holiday. We went to see my Mom for a long weekend. Hubby and I got the yard cleaned up and looking good for Spring. My daughter broke her arm when she jumped off the swing at a park. She thinks her cast is cool. She has a buckle fracture and has no pain from it since she got her cast. So, now you're caught up.